What are “Third Places” (and why do our kids need one)?

In this blog I’m talking about “third places”, how they might solve the loneliness epidemic for our kids, and how to find one so that you and your family can step out from behind the screens and develop real social connections.

Did you know that we are currently experiencing a loneliness epidemic? Despite the ability to connect immediately with a friend via text or online social media, world health surveys are reporting that we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic – a disconnect from others and a sense of not belonging. And it’s affecting our health – especially our kids’ and young adults’ health.

What is a “Third Place”?

Simply defined: a third place is that other place you go to most besides home and work. Or, in the case of kids, the place they go to besides home or school. Not just a place where lots of people gather, a third place is filled with “regulars” because this is a place that feels like a community. 

It could be a cafe, pub, bar, club, salon, library, or anywhere that you go to regularly free from expectations of productivity and where you can interact in light conversation with “regulars” and potential new friends.

As more of us are returning to the world outside our homes post COVID-19, I can see a lot of adults searching for places like this. We’re tired of being planted behind our screens, talking to people via video chat, and holed up in our home offices. 

I was propelled out of my monotonous work-from-home routine when I met a mom who invited me to walk with her and a few other women a few mornings a week. Then I got involved in a moms crafting group. I noticed a positive change in my energy and attitude immediately. 

It makes sense that adults are looking for this, because we have experienced the other side of the digital age when we actually interacted with people face to face socially. Even if we have struggled finding a place or group “where everybody knows our name” we have seen it in tv shows like Cheers and Friends and yearned for a place like it in our own lives. 

But do our kids know the importance of third places?

In a world of texting, social media, and hanging out with friends via video game chatting, our kids may not realize what they’re missing, simply because they have never been offered the opportunity. 

And though they haven’t experienced the difference, they are experiencing the resulting loneliness and possible other physical and mental health issues caused by a lack of social connection.

Why are Third Places important?

In order to survive, humans need social connection and we get that from third places.

The World Health Organization and the U.S. Surgeon General have issued warnings and advisories regarding the current loneliness epidemic and its negative impact on our mental and physical health. 

In May of this year, the U.S. Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy released an advisory stating that “loneliness and isolation increase the risk for individuals to develop mental health challenges in their lives, and lacking connection can increase the risk for premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily.” 

You can read the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory and National Strategy to Advance Social Connection here.

With 25% of our young people feeling loneliness and isolation (and more than half of adults feeling it too), the article goes on to say that “loneliness and social isolation in childhood increase the risk of depression and anxiety both immediately and well into the future. 

In addition, “the physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. 

One of the most frightening statistics revealed that” lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.”

The Solution: Social Connection

Social connection is better than any pill you can swallow. Research has shown that it decreases all the risks listed above. In addition, when people come together and feel more connected, our communities benefit by increased resilience, safer neighborhoods, increased prosperity, and more civic engagement.

Clearly, we want our kids to be healthy and safe. So we plan playdates and sign them up for after school clubs and sports. All of that is good and aids in the battle against isolation and loneliness. But how often do we just accept our kids’ desires to stay home, closed up in their rooms, playing video games while talking to their friends over headphones? 

We have a lot of valid excuses for not socializing, including busy schedules, exhaustion, and a lack of safe places to hang out. We want our kids to be in a safe environment and it’s hard to find any place safer than home.

So what does a third place for kids look like and where can you find one?

When you’re looking for a third place where kids can hang out, there are a few important things to keep in mind:

• Safety:

You want to find a place that is safe for your kid. Depending on your child’s age, you may or may not be required to chaperone. If not, then you want to be sure that your child is surrounded by people you trust and preferably, not many strangers. 

Obviously, you wouldn’t just drop your tween off at a pub but maybe there’s a small cafe in your neighborhood where you know the owner and employees well. Your kid and her friends can enjoy a latte and gossip or maybe even a board game without feeling like their parents are looking over their shoulder. 

• Location:

To ensure safety but at the same time offer freedom from parental supervision, it’s probably best to choose a place that’s close to home. This also gives the place more of a chance of becoming a third place, because of its ease of access. 

And if it happens to be just around the corner, it might be safe enough for your kid to walk or bike to. (This is up to you. Always consider all safety risks including the age of your child, the neighborhood, what streets they have to cross, and the other people they may have to encounter. Choose safety first.)  

• Environment:

Environment includes the space, the type of people, and the activities going on. 

First and foremost as mentioned above, it needs to be a place that you consider safe and where you trust the people there. 

In addition, the activities need to be kid friendly. While the obvious choice would be an after school club, options might also include open art studios where kids can work on their own projects next to friends or an art club where they can paint, eat pizza and hang out. 

Maybe there’s a kids’ club or bookstore in your neighborhood that offers a coffee house, billiards, board games, or comfy area to meet friends regularly. Perhaps your gym or civic center has a basketball court or offers a kid’s yoga class.

The point is to find a place where kids can interact free of the expectations and stress that parents and school place on them. A place that is a supportive community where they can build their identities outside of the school and home. 

Summary

As kids grow, it’s natural for them to want to develop an identity outside of their homes and schools, but they don’t often have that freedom. It’s not because you don’t want that for them, rather more often than not, we are just too busy or aren’t sure if that kind of space exists in our neighborhood. Maybe the idea hasn’t even occurred to us. 

It’s easy to wait until our kids ask us for something but if they don’t know what to ask for, they’ll never ask and then they’ll never realize that the solution to their loneliness and feeling of not belonging was literally just around the corner. 

Maybe you too are struggling to find a community where you feel supported and free of stress.

I encourage you to find a third place for yourself and one for your kids. Do it for your health and for their health. The more of us who find those places, the safer our neighborhoods become, the more resilient our communities become, and the happier each of us will be.

Various art, music, and yoga classes and events are offered at The Kid Creator Studio and Shop, along with kids’ art clubs and open studios where kids and families can make themselves at home, enjoying the creative process and family friendly community. Check out the schedule here and sign up for our newsletter to stay informed of events here.